Another Girl at Play - Women Artists Making Creative Dreams Real

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NOVEMBER 2002

Sometimes, being honest about your dream is harder than actually living it.

When I left the corporate world to pursue my dream of freelance writing from home, I was nervous, afraid and insecure. There was so much riding on making it work that I never considered what would happen if it didn't. Instead, I became wrapped up in constantly doing things I thought I ought to even though I had no desire - or need - to do them. The urge to fulfil the obligations of "being a writer" or a "girl living her dream" was so powerful that I couldn't ignore it. I invented commitments to honour and became caught up in a pattern of unnecessary doing. It overwhelmed me.

Then I saw a quote somewhere that said, "If your livelihood isn't making you lively, is it worth it?" It was the first time I had considered that question because I thought that if you were living your dream there wasn't supposed to be any complaining.

But answering that question, I realised that I wasn't happy with what I was doing because it simply wasn't working for me anymore. Admitting that was painfully hard because I felt like what I've got should be enough. How many people want to write full-time from home but don't? I thought I should feel lucky. Then I realised I'm not living someone else's dream - I'm living mine. And if my dream was realised at one point and then changed into something else, that's OK.

I took time off at the end of September to sit back and think about what I wanted to do next. It was during this time that I heard from two Another Girl at Play women - Pixie Campbell and Melissa A. Robinson - who were in the same place as I. Pixie had decided to stop running her business, Napcake Pajamas and instead, go back to school to pursue writing. She got honest about where her company was and realised that it wasn't working for her. Melissa came to the same realisation about her prints - in fact she declared she didn't like doing them at all and had felt trapped by them. Instead, she wants to write children's books! I understood what these women were going through. I understood how hard it must have been to admit that something wasn't working and to try something new. Seeing the courage of these women and understanding that just because one thing doesn't work out doesn't mean that you stop being creative or stop living your dreams. It just means you start new ones.

I also wanted to change the direction of my existing dream and start some new ones. To do this, I spent the next couple of months learning how to say no to things that weren't working for me. At first, this was really difficult as it required me to be really honest and admit that some things were problematic for me. However, when I began saying no to commitments I didn't really want to commit to, no to travelling just for the sake of it, no to writing articles about writing, no to updating all my sites and no to doing things and being someone just because I thought I should, something changed - me.

I had let go of unusable baggage and that gave me a lighter load to carry to the next level of my dream and goals. It also allowed me to start saying YES to things - this time in a much different way.

As I move forward, I think of Pixie and Melissa who have moved on into new directions and I wish them so much success and lots of moments of saying YES to things they want. I think of their bravery, the honesty and their passion to make other dreams a reality. Whatever they do, whatever roads they take, they will always be Girls at Play - even if their titles change.

This month, I put this question out to you: What can you say YES to? Maybe it's saying YES to taking a walk, or YES to writing a paragraph, or YES to letting someone see your work. Maybe it's YES to changing direction, YES to stop doing something you hate or YES to being honest with yourself. Or perhaps it's just saying YES to eating a donught! (I can always say YES to that!) Whatever you can say YES to, say it. There is a power to it.